Late Post. Belated Birthday

Cheers to 28 years of constant blessings in life in many ways!

I offer my tiny heart and short hands be stretched out in compassion

towards others

 for everyone is walking his and her own difficult path.

Times are tough.

The world is in such a mess.

The future is uncertain.

Challenges are great.

The world needs love more than ever before.

It needs

A love that doesn’t discriminate.

A love that extends to everyone.

A love that flows like river with no end.

A love that recognizes no barriers, penetrates every wall.

for there will be no wall greater than this love

.

.

.

Not even the wall of Mexico

CAMP UNDER THE STARRY SKIES!

Ahoj! This is my first entry in 2017! I know I know. It's been forever since my last post.

So, on the 22nd to 24th March 2017, Vita and I went for camping at Polumpung Melangkap View Camp Site in Kota Belud. This campsite is AMAZING!!! It took us about 1 hour and 15 minutes from KK to get to this place with few stops for food and washroom. This place is pretty secluded and far from the city centre but you don't have to worry because it's easy to locate this hidden gem with signboards everywhere.  Camping for nature lovers in Polumpung Melangkap View Camp Site (PMVCS) is a must-go place. An amazing place to stay overnight near the Panataran River (river that flows directly from Mt. Kinabalu).

Say hello! to Calvinia, our new friend with the two adorable daughters :) 

Vita and I spent 3D2N here andddd IT WAS AMAZING 
Every night we fell asleep with the sound of the rushing river, under the starry skies and every day we woke up to the early morning fog with astounding view of the Majestic Mt Kinabalu🏞 – TRUE BLISS we were really impressed by the staff friendliness. They were super friendly We met Calvinia and it was very nice of her to show us around the kampung. We did short hiking together as well. Her dad, the owner of the camp site came down and greeted us personally with smilewe had such a great time in this place. 

A must-take-photo spot in this campsite

We will definitely be back! (missing this place already!) Beautiful location, clean, tranquil and relaxing, super helpful and friendly hosts. If you need break from your daily routine even if it is just for few days, I would recommend this place!

I will post more photos from the campsite in the next entry, until then.

Busy me preparing breakfast. What a view! 

If and Why #random

If it gives insecurity, why bother?

If it gives depression, why bother?

If it gives more negative thoughts than positive ones, why bother?

If it gives more sadness than happiness, why bother?

If it gives more pains than enjoyments, why bother?

Why stay if you could run?

Why bother if you could care less?

#imissyou

When life didn't turn out as what you planned, it felt so wrong.

You have already listed all the things you wanted to do in the future. The planning is there, with the people that you wanted to spend your life with. 

I guess, planning is just a planning, we can't really foresee the future, can we?

It's been a month since you have been gone. I miss you more than words can say. I even Googled articles or any writings on how to move on peacefully. I really did because it hurts me so much that I will never see you again. I cry a lot when the memory plays in my mind. I cry a lot when I look at your pictures. 

I heard my siblings, sharing their stories, dreaming about you. I was questioning myself, why I didn't get any? But then,few days ago, you appeared in my dreams, twice.Getting to see you in my dreams is a dream comes true for me. You looked happy and healthy. You told me "no more tears, I'm okay now" and in my second dream about you, if I want to meet you, I need to come to church and pray. I will, ma. I believe you're in a better place now. No more pains. You have done enough and it's time for you to rest. We will look after dad. We will look after each other.

I really miss you. I really really really miss you. Your pictures and memories in my mind are left for me to hold.

Rest in peace, mother.

We shall meet again.

New Reality To Wake Up To

Sometimes when I woke up, I thought it was just a dream. It couldn't be real. But still, it hurts so much to be knocked with the reality; I am no longer able to touch you, to smell you, to hear your voices. I miss going to your room, to check whether you’re sleeping. I miss knocking your door to tell you dinner is ready, lunch is ready, the food is ready. I miss to prepare your favourite food. I miss everything about you. I miss seeing your smiles, I miss your smell, I miss to look you in the eyes, I miss to sleep next to you. I miss seeing you doing your daily routine.

Why do you have to go so soon? I haven’t gotten the chance to pay you back. For all the sacrifices you have made. Did I thank you enough? Did I love you enough, ma? I am not a good daughter for I have done so many things to hurt you. I know, there are thousands scars behind those beautiful smiles. I wish I had the time to make you feel happy like genuinely happy.

But I believe, I have faith that you’re in heaven right now. You deserve a place right next to God. I have known you as a mother, as a person. I know how religious you were, how devoted you were, preaching and practising the words of God. Be in peace among those holy people in heaven. I believe we will be reunited again, ma.

A mother’s love is unconditional; A mother is someone who would jump in a fire just to make sure you have what you need, will run a thousand miles just to get you what you want” For all the sacrifices you made, Thank You, ma. Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

This was me, while accompanying my mother at QEH II back in July 2014.

I will always love you.

Love will never die,

And with you, there will be no goodbye.

For love is a treasure,

And you are love, that I will cherish forever.       

Life as a jobless Master's Degree Student

That feeling you got when your supervisor starts to outline her own version of gantt chart for your master's degree instead of just go with my version of it; what to accomplish within these months, what to do in the next month, when to start writing, when to present, when to analyze data, when to viva, when to finish all the chapters ughhhh

The stress starts to kick in!

It's gonna be a ride of hell for this year, I tell ya.

Goodbye my vacation, goodbye my movie time, goodbye my precious sleeping time, goodbye all entertainment. goodbye.

Hoping for the best in my study. I really really hope I can graduate next year so that I can start to brag hunt for a new stable and well-paid job with a  piece of paper written with 'master's degree certificate worth thousands bucks.

As GST will be implemented soon in this economically not stable country. I just hope I won't die due to starvation for not be able to buy taxed food.

So, my contract ends today (yeah!) but I just don't understand why do I have to come on Monday to discuss on the reflective writing. I just don't.

That's for now folks. Will try to write again tomorrow. See y'all!
xoxo

when, my make-up is on point

THAT MOMENT WHEN MAKEUP IS ON POINT 

GIRLS BE LIKE...

SELFIEEEE

This was my look yesterday, kinda happy with my makeup and took hundreds of selfies and chose 4 out of hundreds taken lol. Makeup and I, inseparable! 

Junk Writing

Today is just a  typical Wednesday. It's been ages since my very last post. obviously. I don't have any specific topics or titles or whatever you want to call it to be added in my entry list. This is just a piece of junk writing.

Hey, it's new year! Yeah like it is almost the end of January. lol.

Most people I suppose must have a list of new year resolutions, like ya I must achieve this and this before 11:59 midnite, 31/12/2015 and here I am, like ya, whatever~

I don't have any list for things to be done or achieved in 2015 but I certainly want to do better than last year. That's the spirit girl~ Anyway, what's your new year resolution? Might be to late to ask.

Okay. So, just want to update few things.

• January will over soon, so does my contract, which means, I am gonna be an unemployed graduate sooooon *applause*
• 
  
• and my mother, she's doing really really great regardless her traumatic 1 month experience in hospital. Thank God for everything. She has gained her memory back, she has gained few kilos (I didn't really measure how much she weight) but she looks healthier than before. I love you mom. Looking at other aneurysm survivors out there, I could't be any grateful.

• Regarding my study, it didn't seem look good. Me and research are two incompatible couple like I have to ditch it and be in a relationship with coursework instead. Will graduate longer than I thought, but at least I know what I want and the planning is there.  

I guess that's all for now. Hopefully I will have 'time' to throw another entry in here anytime soon.

Random Thought: Que Sera Sera?

Just to think about my future, it is kinda scary. We will never know what future has to offer. It could best or worst. It could be beautiful or ugly. We can't really tell. Que sera, sera? Yes! But still, I just need to work my ass off. I know it's going to be one hell of a ride, I have no choice but to live up my life. There is this, old saying " Life without struggle, is a life without success" Without struggle we would not, indeed could not change and grow. So, everyone, let's work harder to achieve our kind of future that we want. Jyeah!

Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be will be

The future's not ours to see

Que Sera Sera

What will be will be

Hashtag 20 Amazing Facts About Me

I have actually done this on my Instagram Profile. I want to keep my blog updated, therefore I've got to re-do it here. So, brace yourself. These are the 20 amazing facts about me. Extended version. 
Here we go.

Fact No 1: Name
The correct way to pronounce my name is /j/ /oa/ /n/ = John but my secondary school friends used to call me Joanne. Since then, people know me by the name Joanne.

Fact No 2: Ethnic
My parents are pure both Dusun. I'm a proud Dusun girl, the indigenous people of Sabah, Borneo. I speak my mother tongue at home and I can speak 3 different languages, fluently; Dusun, English and Malay (awesome! lol). I can understand and converse in Mandarin like the basic conversation with basic vocabulary.

Fact No 3: Irrational Fear
Katsaridaphobia. Google it. I refuse to elaborate on this particular topic. next!

Fact No 4: Allergy
I have no issue with food but I do have the kind of allergy with people who can't throw rubbish properly. You people are disgusting. Seriously. I don't understand why is it so hard to throw rubbish in the bin.
.
Fact No 5: Quality of Acquaintances I Look For.
I don't fancy rude people. My definition of rude people might be different than yours. 

Fact No 6: "Mask"
I am not a cosmetic addict but one thing you should know about me when it comes to make-up talk, stepping out of my home without putting on my mask is a NO-NO. I would probably, at least put on my red lipstick.

Fact No 7: Average Asian Sabahan Girl
I'm vertically challenged (alternative adjective for 'short')  but not intellectually. You'll always find me in high heel wedges or pumps or whatever footwear that would make me slightly taller. 

Fact No 8: Meowww
Ailurophile. Cats lover. Cat-person. I love cats! I have 3 beautiful cats at home. To build shelter for stray cats is one of my life goals. I sleep with my cats. Yup.

Fact No 9: Good Girl Gone Bad
During my undergraduate studies, I had a fight with one of the UMS librarians. It was about my 'inappropriate' attire for the campus library. I won the fight btw lol. My friends and I used to be called 'geng skirt pendek' or 'mini-skirt gang' by one of the jealous librarians. haha. It's so hard to be pretty you know. The struggle is real! (okay you can puke here)

Fact No 10: Make Me Laugh = You're Attractive
I always find people who can make me laugh attractive, regardless of gender. 

Fact No 11: Bad English is NO NO
I admit it. I can be an annoying Grammar Nazi sometimes. If you wish to talk to me in English, make sure your English is way better than mine. 

Fact No 12: 9Gagger Tehee!
I spend most of my internet-time on 9Gag and Youtube. I love Ryan Higa videos, He's incredibly annoying but cute and funny.

Fact No 13: My Humble Talent
I play guitar since I was in Primary 3. Self-taught. I used to play for my church. Then, I stopped playing when I went for matriculation programme. Since that day, my skills never seem to improve lol

Fact No 14: Caffeine! 
Coffee person. But I do take tea sometimes.  

Fact No 15: So called Motivation
Life is like a wheel, it has ups and downs. I truly believe in 'life without struggle is a life without success. Life's ain't a bed of roses ladies and gentlemen.

Fact No 16: I can't sleep without music. 
True.

Fact No 17: Short-legged Girl With Mountain High Ambition jyeah! 
With my short legs, I climbed Mount Kinabalu twice. I'm planning to climb the majestic mountain again, next year. But this time, I wanna go for Via Feratta experience. I'm thrilled, just to think about it *That's the spirit baby!*

Fact No 18: Fangirling At Its Best!
When I was a little girl, I used to fantasize about Westlife's private plane to crash near my kampung, then I would go and save them and invite the five of them to stay in my home for few days. I was a big big fan back then. Mark was my favourite, till I knew he's actually gay. What a waste!

Fact No 19: Relationship Status
I'm in a relationship with food.

Fact No 20: Role Model
My all-time role model is, of course one of the strongest women I've ever known in my life, my mother. She is an aneurysm survivor. 


So, these are the twenty amazing facts about me. I hope you enjoy reading this long and crappy entry. Until next time. 

How To Deal With Difficult People

We have all met people who are so prickly and difficult to deal with. This entry goes to my ex-boyfriend.

So, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my ex. I have moved on and he's still have this high hope for us getting back together. My brother told me, the stage of acceptance is quite slow for men to accomplish. As a lady, I can't really tell to what extent his theory can be applied in one's life.  

As far as I can recall, I made it clear to him that we're done. I don't know which part that he doesn't understand with that phrase and think that he still can go to mi casa and act like we are still together? I'm beyond words to describe how I feel about this. He keeps on bothering me, indirectly and it is so annoying. I'm trying to be nice to not to fight back with violence because I know aggressiveness won't solve my problem anyway. But, even the nicest people have limit and they will get tired eventually. Maybe I should use different approach to make him stop from bugging me. ugh!

He really gets under my skin, bothering my life, but this time, not with annoying cheesy text messages and thousand missed calls. He has stepped up his game by using my family, friends and my hometown community. He even bought new car to impress me, but lemme tell you something EX-boyfriend, it's just a little too late for you to create different personality, to become someone that I used to wish for you to become.

The best thing that I can do now is to be ignorant. There's a saying, IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Indeed. Gotta live with this saying. You were someone to me, but now let's make it clear you are just a history. Every person we come across in our lives will teach us life lessons, with or without us knowing it. I have no regrets knowing you in my life because I know, we met for many reasons. The good ones, shall I keep them. I hope you will meet someone new who will love and cherish you, better than I did. I wish nothing but the best, for you.

Okay.

"aggressiveness won't solve any, patience I ain't got plenty, exertion should take place when one's ready"

Lesson Learnt: Sympathy is not Love

I was that kind of girl who didn't know how to say NO

I was that kind of girl who didn't know how to be firm in decision making

I was that kind of girl who was so naive

I was that kind of girl who was easily blinded with sympathy

I was that kind of girl who trust easily, cheated often

I was that kind of girl who would rather be comforted with lies than be hurt with painful truths.

But today, I'm none of these girls.

A new chapter in my life, a fresh start and a brand new me.

I'm 1989Lady.

I spent my 4 years with this one guy whom I thought would be the one who would wait for me at the end of the aisle. I was wrong. It was a bloody bad relationship that I have ever had, so far. It was all covered with layers of lies and pretentious. It was all because of me who tolerated so much that this relationship was being dragged to freaking 4 years with someone who made me feel insecure with own physical appearance. I caught him cheating after few months we were officially dating. I was a naive girl back then, giving him the second chance that he didn't deserve. I could just end it since I have more than enough solid reasons to leave him at once. But I was so stupid that I thought that time would change him. I was wrong, again.

All of these red flags in our relationship: infidelity, lack in communication, false promises, potential womaniser, etc were drowned in an ocean of ignorance. I wish I was firm with my decision. I planned so many times to leave him for good, but after hearing his excuses, seeing him burst into tears, kneeling before me… I was then again, stunned and felt sorry to see him in such condition and again, I revoke my request for a break up. Stupid thing to do, I know right.

It was a drastic decision but I know, it has to be done for good. I was on a quest to claim victory for my own absolute happiness. I did it and I couldn't be any happier.

Lesson learnt. Sympathy is not love.